if you would have told me a year ago or even 5 months ago that i would be in the place that i am today i wouldn't believe you. i have the most incredible boyfriend who i fall harder for everytime i'm with him and he is good to me and actually gives a fuck. i'm in school and doing well. i just got into md a few hours ago and cannot wait to spend time with my friends and family. and i turn 21 next saturday wooooo. anyways, heres a post i had such an urge to update tonight, i love how it turned out :)
honestly if i ever date again it will be simply to get pretty jewelry and clothes and a michael kors watch because i lost the only person i could ever love so i might as well be a gold-digging sugar baby.
i hate complaining about this. i feel like a pussy. but i seriously just don’t know what to do. i keep thinking and thinking and crying and worrying and hurting and then thinking about other things that aren’t going well in my life and they relate back to you because i can’t even talk to you about them. i’m back on my own. back to being lied to by everyone. back to people trying to use me. back to not knowing where to go from here. and it sucks. because i just want you happy. i know you think im selfish. and i guess i might be. but this is the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do and its equally as selfless. no one will ever understand. not even you. hell, half the time, not even me. i guess my best bet is just to wait and maybe one day you’ll show up at my doorstep and rescue me.
Pat: "I hate my illness and I want to control it. This is what I believe to be true: You have to do everything you can and if you stay positive you have a shot at a silver lining." - Silver Lining Playbook.
you are a ghost to me. i don't look at you anymore but i still feel you. i feel you.
i think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight is because we fear something so great won't happen twice.
“I’m not sure which is worse: intense feeling, or the absence of it.” - Margaret Atwood (The Blind Assassin)
“Most days I wish I never met you because then I could sleep at night and I wouldn’t have to walk around with the knowledge there was someone like you out there.” - Good Will Hunting.
when i look at you i see this perfect person then there's me, this weird crazy person with all these problems. And i don't see how you choose me..but please, just stay.
and for the first time...what's past is past.
“I missed him so much that I had physical sensations of loss, all over my body. Like one minute I was missing an arm, the next my spleen. It was making me feel sick, like throwing up.” - Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors
how your body still remembers things you told it to forget..
"i'm pretty sure if i hadn't met you i'd have spent all my time looking for you with out knowing it. you're everything i could ever dream of wanting." - my boyfriend :)