wishfullthinkerx's Xanga

Friday, May 10, 2013

Fri, 10 May 2013 17:41:19 GMT

“what doesn’t kill you
leaves scars
ruins your lungs
dries out all your tears
leaves you lying awake at 4 in the morning
wishing you weren’t alive” - c.c

“When I am with you, there is nowhere else I’d rather be. And I am a person who always wants to be somewhere else.” - David Levithan.

the worst part about being sad is that you don't know what makes you happy anymore.

“you haven’t healed, i can tell from how cruel you are.”

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 23:20:26 GMT

its sucks pretending things are okay

because they’re not.

i can’t fucking do this alone, but thanks to you, i don’t have any other choice.

“All relationships are doomed. If you emotionally undress in front of someone, they will pour acid on your shivering skin and leave you to die.” - Howard, Fresh Meat.

I don’t believe everything happens for a specific reason. Sometimes things just happen without explanation. If you don’t care you’ll be fine.

“I know what it’s like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can’t. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.” - Girl, Interrupted.

I don’t mind being alone, I just hate feeling alone

“you haven’t healed, i can tell from how cruel you are.” - via (fakeville)

“Most days I wish I never met you because then I could sleep at night and I wouldn’t have to walk around with the knowledge there was someone like you out there.” - Goodwill Hunting (1997)

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 01:59:35 GMT

so many things remind me of you.

to lose that person though who meant so damn much to you the first thing you feel is the emptiness of where they were. you realize exactly how much they'd meant to you, and theres no one and nothing that can fill it. just the memories of them that come and go as they please through your body taking residency in your mind and heart.--wishfullthinkerx.

part of me wants to be seven and careless.
part of me wants to be back in your bed.
part of me wants to be forty and settled.
part of me wants to be dead.

i poured everything i had into you and you were still empty.

it’s not that i got tired of you. it’s that i got tired of waiting. i got tired of being treated poorly. i got tired of getting my hopes up and then getting disappointed. i got tired of not being able to trust you. i got tired of feeling like i wasn’t good enough. i got tired of the games. i got tired of the second-thoughts. i got tired of getting tired.

"the marks humans leave too often are scars."

"i know I should’ve moved on ages ago, been happy already, but it’s never been that easy for me. Or maybe it was me that made it so hard."

Friday, March 08, 2013

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 06:15:45 GMT

if you would have told me a year ago or even 5 months ago that i would be in the place that i am today i wouldn't believe you. i have the most incredible boyfriend who i fall harder for everytime i'm with him and he is good to me and actually gives a fuck. i'm in school and doing well. i just got into md a few hours ago and cannot wait to spend time with my friends and family. and i turn 21 next saturday wooooo. anyways, heres a post i had such an urge to update tonight, i love how it turned out :)

honestly if i ever date again it will be simply to get pretty jewelry and clothes and a michael kors watch because i lost the only person i could ever love so i might as well be a gold-digging sugar baby.

i hate complaining about this. i feel like a pussy. but i seriously just don’t know what to do. i keep thinking and thinking and crying and worrying and hurting and then thinking about other things that aren’t going well in my life and they relate back to you because i can’t even talk to you about them. i’m back on my own. back to being lied to by everyone. back to people trying to use me. back to not knowing where to go from here. and it sucks. because i just want you happy. i know you think im selfish. and i guess i might be. but this is the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do and its equally as selfless. no one will ever understand. not even you. hell, half the time, not even me. i guess my best bet is just to wait and maybe one day you’ll show up at my doorstep and rescue me.

Pat: "I hate my illness and I want to control it. This is what I believe to be true: You have to do everything you can and if you stay positive you have a shot at a silver lining." - Silver Lining Playbook.

you are a ghost to me. i don't look at you anymore but i still feel you. i feel you.

i think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight is because we fear something so great won't happen twice.

“I’m not sure which is worse: intense feeling, or the absence of it.” - Margaret Atwood (The Blind Assassin)

“Most days I wish I never met you because then I could sleep at night and I wouldn’t have to walk around with the knowledge there was someone like you out there.” - Good Will Hunting.

when i look at you i see this perfect person then there's me, this weird crazy person with all these problems. And i don't see how you choose me..but please, just stay.

and for the first time...what's past is past.

“I missed him so much that I had physical sensations of loss, all over my body. Like one minute I was missing an arm, the next my spleen. It was making me feel sick, like throwing up.” - Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors

how your body still remembers things you told it to forget..

"i'm pretty sure if i hadn't met you i'd have spent all my time looking for you with out knowing it. you're everything i could ever dream of wanting." - my boyfriend :)

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 22:57:13 GMT

sooo i've done a post with this proposal before i'd like to try it again.

is there anyone who would like to be pen pals with me?

it's so much fun and i would love to find someone to share stories with and hear stories from and make cds for and cool stuff.

comment if you guys are interested! :)

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 01:30:30 GMT

i don't know what it is about you but when you're in my life you become both the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. when it's good it's incredible but when it's bad it is this feeling of being completely out of control in a terrifying way. and i don't know how to handle it because when you're around i feel like i need you to be okay. and maybe that's the problem..how much of me i put into you..my heart...everything.-wishfullthinkerx.

to keep someone who you know is bad for you in your life is one of the most damaging things you can do. you're only hurting yourself by not allowing you to move on to something better. that's not to say you might not have had something incredible with that person, but don't sit there and count on the idea of getting back what you were. you need to realize that there is no future to be found in your past, and things change people change, and so do feelings. for better or for worse.-wishfullthinkerx.

“Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape.” - Charles Dickens , Great Expectations.

you can't choose what stays and what fades away.

“When you’re a kid, they tell you it’s all… grow up, get a job, get married, get a house, have a kid, and that’s it. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It’s so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better.” - Doctor Who.

“I’ve never been very good at leaving things behind. I tried, but I have always left fragments of myself there too, like seeds awaiting their chance to grow.” - Joanne Harris.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 04:23:38 GMT

"i belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweetheart."

“You can’t just make me different and then leave.” - Looking For Alaska, John Green.

it's crazy how much you realize something meant to you after it's gone and no longer yours. but it's even harder when it haunts you the words the person the feelings you had lingering just consuming you when you least expect it. i remember the fights the staying up all night with everything to lose but somehow staying together because we didn't want to be a part. i remember the tears the screaming and fighting, and the feeling of not wanting this anymore but knowing that i would never so deeply care for someone else. as fucking crazy as we were together there was so much good to it too. it was 0 to 150 in not even a second and everything was so intense. and it's just like a constant battle of memories and feelings that i'm pretty sure won't ever go away and my mind trying to rationalize the moments of weakness. it's insane but it keeps coming back, and i don't know how to deal with it.-wishfullthinkerx.

I hate feeling like a “has been” that has nothing to show now, like old news to someone. I mess up so many things that could have been great.

when I met you,
flowers started growing
in the darkest parts of my mind.

i think about all the things you said you liked about me and hope they're enough to make you miss me.

“I will remember the kisses, our lips raw with love,
and how you gave me everything you had
and how I offered you what was left of me.” - Raw With Love, Charles Bukowski.

"everything that has a beginning, has an ending. make your peace with that and all will end well." -buddha.

“Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” - C.S Lewis.

sometimes the wrong choices lead us to the right places.

“I guess my life hasn’t always been happy, or easy, or exactly what I want. At a certain point, I just have to try not to think too much about certain things, or else they’ll break my heart.” - Johnathan franzen.

“It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.” - Chuck Palahniuk, Diary.

“Who has not asked himself at some time or other: am I a monster or is this what it means to be a person?” - Clarice Lispector.

“Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose - and commit myself to - what is best for me.” - Paul coelho.

if you don't let it out, you're going to let it eat you anyway.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 18:59:17 GMT

hi sorry i've been a stranger recently on here. new boyfran, new semester (full-time) at school. yay, but i miss this a lot. kbye hope you all are doing well :)

“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.” - Haruki Murakami, Kafka On The Shore.

“I already said too much. I already shared too much, and I want all my secrets back. I hate getting close to people these days, I always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing too much, feeling too much.” - anonymous.

“It’s not that I can’t fall in love. It’s really that I can’t help falling in love with too many things all at once So, you must understand why I can’t distinguish between what’s platonic and what isn’t, because it’s all too much and not enough at the same time.” - Jack Kerouac.

“The only thing I know is this: I am full of wounds and still standing on my feet.” - Nikos Kazantzakis.

“Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness.” - Ibn Taymiyyah.

Friday, January 04, 2013

Fri, 04 Jan 2013 04:54:50 GMT

i still find myself going back in my mind to before. before we inflicted so much hurt on each other, before we got to the point where too much had happened for us to ever be able to go back. before when things were new, and good, and pure. it's easier i find to visit those memories, than the ones that are the cause of ruining us and what we had. i've come to realise that through life the only thing that stays with you are the memories, people come and go, but if you're lucky the memories will stay and i hope that you can keep some good and some of the bad.- wishfullthinkerx.

“What we find in a soul-mate is not something wild to tame but something wild to run with.” - Robert Brault.

i will never tell you, but i still think about when we were together. most specifically i think back to the last time we had a great night i want to keep that memory of you forever, because it's every reason why i loved you it is everything that i loved about us. i'm not at all sorry that we ended, but i'm sorry for the way that we had let things end so horribly. - wishfullthinkerx.

“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.” - Rumi.

“I don’t know. I feel like I should just stop, you know, just stop thinking about it, you know? But I can’t. Maybe I’ve seen too many movies, you know? Love at first sight? What do you think about love at first sight? You think you can love somebody just by looking at ‘em? But the thing is man, it’s like I feel like I knew her. You know? You ever get that feeling? …Yeah, I probably don’t, right? I felt like I did, though.” - Blue Valentine/

“Even when I detach, I care. You can be separate from a thing and still care about it. If I wanted to detach completely, I would move my body away. I would stop the conversation midsentence. I would leave the bed. Instead, I hover over it for a second. I glance off in another direction. But I always glance back at you.” - David Levithan.

it's an amazing thing you know to find someone who can quiet your mind and put you at ease without even saying a word. and i'm so happy that i found that in you. somehow the timing of you coming into my life was like clockwork, we could have met sooner we could have met later. but i learned now that things happen when they're ready or when the time is right.- wishfullthinkerx.

“Your past is just a story. And once you realize this it has no power over you.” - Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters.

“How do you trust your feelings when they can just disappear like that?” - Cindy, Blue Valentine.

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 04:57:23 GMT

"How can the devil be pulling you towards someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you?"

“I just have to say one thing and it’s really important that you just listen to me. I just…It doesn’t feel like this thing is going to go away. It’s always there. I can’t get on with my life…The things we have with each other, that I don’t have with any other person, with any other human being apart from you. We should be with each other and I feel it so strongly.” - Anna, Like Crazy.

"what a loss to spend that much time with someone only to find out they're a stranger."

all the loves still there I just don’t know what to do with it now.

remember in life to live simply and love fiercely.

“Do not look for a sanctuary in anyone except your self.” - Siddhārtha Gautama.

I’m so detached and distant and cold at times, but I swear if you spark my interest, I can become so clingy and you’ll become so important to me and I will put so much of my time and effort towards you. But then you’ll get tired of me.

I’m scared you’re going to realize I’m not all that great and find someone better.

the "what ifs" and "should haves" will eat your brain.

“I needed to be somewhere different. Maybe I needed to be someone different, too.” the clearing, Heather Davis.

“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.” - Robin Williams.

legends say, when you can't sleep at night, it's because you're awake in someone elses dreams.

“Now your trust is gone, but you won’t find it again on your own.” - “Start again” by Sam Tsui.

don't try to make me stay or ask if i'm okay i don't have the answers.

“Sometimes there is no darker place than our own thoughts; the moonless midnight of the mind.” - Dean Koontz, Fear Nothing.

“Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I’m glad for that.” - Ally Condie, Matched.

Every word that comes out of your mouth just makes me feel better. I don’t know what it is, but the words just always seem to make me smile.

“Sometimes you have to be your own hero, because sometimes the people you can’t live without, can live without you.”

growing up means watching my heroes turn human right infront of me.

“I was always holding onto people, and they were always leaving.”

“I think too much. I think ahead. I think behind. I think sideways. I think it all. If it exists, I’ve fucking thought of it.” - Winona Ryder